How To Get Fired – DWAT Edition

📣 Mature Content - Read At Your Own Risk!👀😉📣

There are certain things you expect to hear in a workplace: “Can you pop that in an email?” “Let’s touch base later.” Maybe even the occasional “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”

And then there are the things you definitely don’t.

Somehow, we’ve ended up in a job where saying things that would get us immediately escorted off the premises anywhere else is just… a normal Tuesday. Between the sheer number of NSFW moulds we create, the wildly specific custom requests we receive, and the fact that we’re all friends or family outside of work, it’s easy to forget that—technically—this is still a place of business. A place where, in any other setting, we’d probably be handed a P45 and told to never come back.

It hit me today while setting up a pour with Jess: this job has absolutely ruined us.

We had a stack of explicit mould orders to get through (because of course we did), and we were just casually shouting out various swear words and risqué body parts. Out of context, our conversations sound wild to anyone outside our mould-making bubble. And if we said half of this stuff in a standard office job, we’d be fired on the spot.

So, for anyone wondering what a typical day at Designed with a Twist sounds like, here are just a few things that get said in complete seriousness—without a second thought—that would absolutely get us fired in any other workplace.

Things That Would Absolutely Get Us Fired Anywhere Else:

🔹 “I need a bigger rack”
It’s a practical organisational concern, but yeah…

🔹 “Do I need any Fucks?”
A valid work-related question. The answer is usually yes.

🔹 “Have you seen the Cunts?
Inventory check. Completely normal. Completely professional.

🔹 “Has anyone got the Fuck Off Spray?”
A genuine request for assistance locating a blank, but definitely something you shouldn’t shout in a crowded office.

🔹 “I've lost the butt plugs.”
It’s always the small moulds that go missing.

🔹 “Can you trim the inside of the dick soap?”
Precision is key.

🔹 “Could you wrap my Dangly Hams.”
I could try to explain… but would it make things better?

🔹 “Will you get the plums out, please?”  
Me to John, my cousin’s husband, on the regular. At this point, he doesn’t even react.

🔹 “What colour should my balls be?”
Direct quote from Corinne, mid-wax test. A very important artistic decision.

🔹 “You need to fill my jugs.”
I’ll leave this one to your imagination.

🔹 “I do enjoy the Booty.”
Totally respectable thing to say – I enjoy the noise the Booty Scrape ‘N’ Scoop makes when its demoulded, it’s a completely innocent comment!

🔹 “I have cramp in my wrist.”
Demoulding is hard work, okay?

🔹 “Put that in my box.”
It’s called organisational skills.

🔹 “You need to give it a good rub for the Evri man.”
Gotta make sure those labels stick properly – he’s a very picky Postie.

🔹 “Here, pull this off.”
You can’t always do it yourself.

🔹 “I just stuck my finger in it and it was wet.”
Sometimes silicone isn’t fully set when you think it is. Lesson learned.

🔹 “Is it hard yet? Nah it’s still sticky.”
We ask this all the time without even thinking.

🔹 “Can you check my jugs, please?”
Quality control is important!

🔹 “Where’s the pokey tool?”
Look, every craft needs specialist tools. Ours just sound a little more questionable.

🔹 “Who has the crack needle?”
Spoiler: we were talking about fixing blanks. Please don’t call the authorities.

🔹 “I just fingered the butt holes.”
We need to check that they’re set properly. That’s all we’re saying.

🔹 “Here, this just needs a good blow.”
Sometimes, a little air helps the cleaning process.

 

The worst part? We don’t even notice anymore.

We throw these comments around every day with a poker straight face, it doesn’t register with use anymore! It’s completely normal to have a totally serious discussion about dick consistency. It doesn’t faze us to spend hours testing colours for the perfect set of balls. And when a custom order comes in for something, even we weren’t expecting, we don’t even notice the obscure side of it. We dive straight into research the logistics and practicalities of how we can keep the most detail and retain the functionality.

It’s only when someone new walks in (or when we have to explain what we do at family gatherings) that we realise just how unhinged our work environment actually is. At this point, our ability to function in normal society is questionable at best.

There’s a zero percent chance we could go back to a corporate office. We’d be fired before lunchtime.

But honestly? We get to create the kind of products that make people laugh, make gifts that are actually fun, and turn the weirdest ideas into reality. And if that means having to say things that sound like they belong in an HR complaint rather than a workplace conversation, well… We wouldn’t and couldn’t have it any other way.

Just, maybe don’t put us on speakerphone in public.

Or walk into the workshop unannounced.

Love, Toni x